my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
