just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
