I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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