do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
