The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
