He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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