Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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