But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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