there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
