giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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