in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
