Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
