This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have fence marks all over my body
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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