my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
