You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
