He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
