I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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