Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I love you. Go after that dick
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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