no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
COCAINE IS GR8
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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