I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
