I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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