I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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