no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize