so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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