i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
