One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
