You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
