So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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