I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
