I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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