theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
