My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
