As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
