Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize