Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
