My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
