just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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