In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
