I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
