Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
