There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
