Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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