Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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