I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That's how pantless uber rides happen
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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