You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
