I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize