when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
