Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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