I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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