Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize