Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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