I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wish my penis had a tongue
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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