the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
