I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize