just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
