I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
