i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
