I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
