Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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