ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
