never play flip cup with pint glasses
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
