I have demons in me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
