we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My breasts were aching with rage.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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