A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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