Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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