Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
