The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
