Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
