I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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