Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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