So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
