Ambien. No doubt about it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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