I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
