So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
