My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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