Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
