His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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