Cold hands, warm shart.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
