how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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