My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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