Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
