Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
