u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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