that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize