Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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