i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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