I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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