hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
