Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
