dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
