i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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