I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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