First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
