he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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