you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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