i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
