Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
