I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
