Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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