chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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