I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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