My hand turned me down
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
