if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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