If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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