at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
