I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
