please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize