I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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