Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
