Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
