can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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