You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
