omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
