you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
