Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
