I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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