That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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