I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
