Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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