Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
