i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize