You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
