first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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