Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
