He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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