did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
