Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
