my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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